Reflections on Friendship
Friendship is more complicated than I think some of us want to admit. A few years ago I wrote a post about how we can radiate joy in friendships. I still 100% stand by this statement from that post, “God created friendships because He knew we would need people on earth who are in our corner, who would fight the devil with us, and who would continually challenge us to being the best Christian we could be.”
However, over the years I am truly finding out what that last line means. It means people continually challenge us to dig deeper in His word, live a life for Christ, go to the cross with our worries, and help each other through every situation life throws at us. Wow. What a high calling and honor it is to fulfill this in someone's life. Do not take this calling lightly. I think maybe I did for years. Maybe it was something I was intentionally doing. Maybe sometimes I was afraid to say something that might convict them, or maybe even it would convict me.
This week as I was texting a few of my girlfriends and I told them that I said “no” to a lunch that was not going to be life-giving to me. I said “no” because I am finally learning to set boundaries. As an enneagram 2, I struggle with this word because I feel like I need to help everyone which in turn means I need to say “yes”. Yes, even when it is not truly what is best for me. I was able to confidently say no because these two girls had my back, they asked the hard questions, and fully supported me in whatever decisions I was going to make. Friends are supposed to ask the convicting questions. Friends are supposed to be there for us ...especially when we fail.
In my post a few years ago I also said, “Friendships take work. The work is worth it. Every late night conversation, or three hour drive because someone is in pain and all you know what to do is be there for them, it's worth it.” I’m thinking I was truly onto something with this. Over the past few years I have had some friendships dissipate, which really made me feel like they weren’t in it or that they didn’t want to put in the work. Literally, they just fell out into thin air. As I sit here and write this, I know I am not the only one who has been there. Maybe you are there right now. Maybe you are the friend that went poof. Maybe you are waiting on an explanation. But, if you were sitting across from me as I type this, I would tell you, some friends were only meant to be in your life for a season or maybe you’ve already served your purpose in their life. Not every friend is going to be the lifelong friend that causes trouble with you in the nursing home years after you met. So as hard as it is, let them go. Trust that God is working in them and forgive them for falling out of your world without a word because at this point you truly have no idea what they may be going through. Friendship is worth the work, but not every friend is meant to be a lifelong friend. I am learning there’s a fine line between letting someone go because that season is over and choosing to fight for what you have because you know God has more for both of you in the friendship.
1 John 1:3-4 says, “We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ. We write this to make our joy complete.”
We were created to be in friendship with Christ and friendship with each other. When we have both, we will live with complete joy. Do not be afraid of the work it takes to have meaningful friendships. Do not be afraid to have boundaries. Do not be afraid to ask each other tough questions, but remember you also have to be willing to hear the questions, not just the one asking the questions.
Remember God created friendships and He wants to be glorified in them.
XOXO,
Rachel Marie
