Winter Blues

The days get darker faster which means the sun is out for a shorter period of time. Some days we don’t even get to see the bright yellow rays of the sun because of the gloom of cloud cover. Did you know that the sun carries a vitamin we all need? Vitamin D also known as the “sunshine vitamin.” Vitamin D is essential for so many things with our health, however I want to focus on one specific area: depression. A lack of Vitamin D can lead to depression, usually in the winter people will struggle with Seasonal Affective Depression (SAD). 

According to an article on SAD which you can find by clicking on this link this is the medical description of SAD: https://link.springer.com/article/10.2165/00023210-199809030-00004

“Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is characterized by recurrent depressive episodes, occurring typically in winter (i.e. winter SAD). The atypical symptoms of depression frequently precede the onset of each episode and are closely associated with the recurrence of the episodes. Winter depressive episodes are mostly of mild to moderate severity.”

I’m bringing this topic up because it’s something I personally struggle with. I know my body CRAVES Vitamin D, which is partly why summer is my favorite season. I am typically way more naturally happy and relaxed in the summer than in the winter. A few years ago, I was going through a really hard time at my job (teaching 4th graders at that time) and I couldn’t stop crying and hyperventilating. I felt like the walls around me were closing in. I specifically remember a conversation with my mom on the phone where I was crying like a mad-woman and her saying the words, “honey, I love you and I think you need to go to therapy.” One part of me was wondering why I “the put-together” person that I am/was/am still trying to be would ever need to go to therapy, but the bigger part of me was thankful. I was thankful because in that moment I realized it was okay to seek help. In fact, it wasn’t just okay...it was encouraged by someone who is so darn special to me. About 30 minutes later I texted my boss and asked her how to get counseling services through work and she sent me the information right away. By the end of the day I had an appointment. After all that, I just needed a long hot shower where I could scream out to Jesus while I was on my knees because I didn’t understand what was going on. I didn’t understand why I felt all the things I did. I didn’t understand all the anxieties I was having. The only thing I knew that day was that God is good...yesterday, today, and forever He is good. 

I took my shower and I cried and shouted to Jesus, “Why? Why is this happening?” Then I sang to Him in my mess...right in the middle of my STORM as hot water was running down my body and tears were dripping down my face as I felt exhausted like my body was just hit by a bus but I sang these words anyways, 

“You're a good, good father

It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are

And I'm loved by you

It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am” (Good, Good Father by Chris Tomlin”)

My voice cracked as I sang and I lifted by hands and told Him that He’s a good father because He is. I reached my arms to him and as I kept singing the weight just kept lifting off my shoulders and then I heard him whisper to me, “you will be okay, this is just a storm and I can’t wait to show you my power through it.”

The next week I went to therapy for the first time in my life and it was so freeing to let out all my baggage to some lady I barely just met. It was freeing to be raw and vulnerable with her. Then as I drove home, I thought, “how life changing and life giving would it be if I was always that raw and vulnerable with Jesus?” So, I made a promise to myself in that moment. A promise to keep going to therapy and promise to be completely raw, real, and vulnerable in my prayers. 

Skipping ahead a few years,  still struggle with depression in the winter but there are so many things I have found that help me through it. My number one is continually seeking Jesus, continually reading His word, continually worshipping Him and praying. I surround myself with people who lift my spirits, life-giving people, not people who exhaust me or bring negativity into my life. I make it a point to do things that make me happy! I eat really good food, I workout to keep my endorphins up, I watch so many Hallmark movies I probably have them all memorized by now, and I decorate my house because Christmas decorations just give me all the warm feelings. I also really try to take a Vitamin D supplement and drink plenty of water. I bake cookies for other people and I sleep in. I use essential oils that boost my mental health.  I simply just take care of myself. 

I know right now things might seem dark or like the walls around you are pushing farther and farther in, but there’s a way out. If you need to seek professional help, please do so. There is no shame in it. If you need to get a prescription for an antidepressant or antianxiety, please do so. Seek Jesus, sister. Even if you don’t “feel like it” or  don’t think you’ll get anything from it...it’s so important. Stay close to Him. I am praying for you. I am praying you feel close to Him. I am praying that you are getting what YOU need. I am praying that you feel the light in the gloominess this season can bring. 

There is joy amidst the blues. Stay close to Him and you’ll feel it. 

Xoxo, 

Rachel Marie